I have been trying to think of what to say, but after hours of searching for the right words it seems that no words can express what I feel. All I can think of is -- my Mom cannot be gone! I keep feeling that she's going to show up, and come walking into the kitchen and start making breakfast for Dad and me. I have been staying with Dad over the last number of days and he keeps asking me if Eudora is gone. My answer each time has to be "yes Dad Mom is gone." Even though I say these words over and over to Dad they come from an empty place inside of me. I just don't believe the words myself. I have been close to Mom my entire life and she has always been there for me. Mom has always been the one I would go to in times of worry or stress or times of need. Her love has always been unconditional and she's always come through for me and my family. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye and I know I gave her many worries over the years. Mom always had a plan that had to go through in a certain way and many times I just didn't agree. I'm a plain sort of guy and over the years I gave her a hard time about all the fancy things she liked to have in her house. Now I see in a different light. Mom did everything she could do to make things special and bring beauty to her family and everyone around her. Every corner of her house has special displays of lovely little ornaments and keepsakes that she's collected over the years and all I can think of is how beautiful they are and how important they were to her. Whenever mom did something it was always special whether it was Christmas, camping trips, or one of our family's favorite things -- staying at the cottage. When Mom took us on a picnic we could expect the normal -- sandwiches, some fried chicken -- always on a fancy tablecloth of course, but then she would start pulling out the pies, the butter tarts, special cookies and all kinds of goodies. I always told Mom that no matter how old she got she always had the same young voice whenever I talked to her on the phone. How I hated it when in the last month or so I started hearing her voice fail. The last time I spoke to her in the hospital I said hi Ma! and in her frail failing voice she said you're still calling me Ma after all these years. Mom I know you're in heaven now and someday I will hear that young voice again. Until that day I hope that you will look down on me and that I will still be able to talk to you and I will hear that beautiful young voice in my heart. Mom Susan and I and our entire family love you with all our heart and will miss you always -- goodbye!